I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
