Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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