I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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