just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
