I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
