drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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