Don't make out with my wife yet
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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