Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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