I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am available for nakedness
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
