I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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