loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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