I think i peed on brittanys purse
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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