At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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