Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
