Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
