I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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