Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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