I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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