I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
