she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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