Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
