whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We are all done wearing pants today
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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