Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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