I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
