I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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