it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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