True but thats because hes a fetus.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
