Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just found puke in my bra..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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