Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
