She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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