We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
