So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
