I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
