Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
