how can u be prego again
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
