I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
