maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
