my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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