What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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