I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My hand turned me down
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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