More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
