I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
