Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
