Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
