I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
