I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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