if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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