He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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