At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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