The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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