you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
barbara walters just said penis...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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