Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
