Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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