your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
