Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
